There is a strange trick the ego can play.
It can learn to talk like it has disappeared.
“I have no ego.”
“I don’t need recognition.”
“I am beyond attachment.”
“I have surrendered.”
“I have dissolved into everything.”
And somewhere underneath all of this, a very small voice may be whispering:
Look how little ego I have.
The ego is not necessarily the part of you that thinks highly of itself.
Sometimes it is the part that desperately wants to become someone who no longer needs to think highly of itself.
That distinction matters.
Because ego dissolution can become another identity.
The spiritual person.
The detached person.
The enlightened person.
The person who has transcended ordinary concerns.
The person who doesn’t care what anyone thinks.
The person who has “seen through” everyone else’s ego.
The costume becomes very difficult to see because the costume is made of humility.
And there is nothing wrong with humility.
The question is whether you are free to put the costume down.
The Tell
Here is one of the simplest tests I know:
What happens when someone treats you like you are ordinary?
Not special.
Not enlightened.
Not deep.
Not wise.
Just another human being.
If something inside you becomes offended, defensive, eager to explain, or desperate to prove that you really are different…
there may still be an identity being protected.
Another tell:
Can you be wrong without needing the mistake to become part of your philosophy?
Can you simply say,
“I was wrong.”
Not:
“I was wrong, but that was actually part of my awakening.”
Not:
“I was wrong because I was transcending the ego.”
Just:
“I was wrong.”
And then continue living.
There is an even quieter test.
Can you stop dissolving the ego?
If you have to constantly monitor yourself for ego, eliminate ego, transcend ego, purify ego, observe ego, defeat ego…
then ego has simply acquired a new job.
It has become the manager of your spiritual development.
The goal was never to create a perfect person who contains no ego.
That person would probably be exhausting to be around.
The useful thing is much simpler:
Notice when the self is being constructed.
Notice when it is being defended.
Notice when you are trying to become someone.
Then loosen your grip.
You don’t have to kill the ego.
You don’t have to worship it either.
You can let it be what it is:
a useful pattern for navigating a human life.
Sometimes you will care about your reputation.
Sometimes you will want to win.
Sometimes you will want to be admired.
Sometimes you will be petty.
Sometimes you will be magnificent.
Sometimes you will contradict yourself five minutes later.
Fine.
You are a human being.
The deepest freedom may not be becoming someone who has no ego.
It may be becoming someone who doesn’t have to protect an idea of who they are.
Even the idea of being egoless can be put down.
Especially that one.
Because when there is nothing left to prove about who you are…
you can finally get on with the business of being alive.
That is a much quieter kind of freedom.
And strangely enough,
it doesn’t need to call itself enlightenment.
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